While some of the following is also useful to male-to-female transsexuals, most of the following assumes that you are not interested in or considering transitioning. Perhaps also because of difficulties with transition (potential loss of friends / loved ones, social biases) some of you choose not to change (or to wait) -- and also become a part of the crossdressing community.

It is the belief of this site that no choice is an invalid choice. A transsexual may have a wider range of experience in some areas than a crossdresser, but that by no means makes the crossdresser's experiences or motivations any less valid. If a transsexual chooses to remain non-operative, that is her prerogative, and does not somehow make her ingenuine. A transsexual who chooses to slip into hiding in society once they pass, or a crossdresser who remains in hiding are no less worthy because they choose to live in stealth -- it takes a very specific type of person to be an activist, and this responsibility should not be expected of everyone. These are all valid choices, and given the exact same circumstances in our own lives, we might be compelled to make those exact same decisions. Ours is a fractured and marginalized community as it is. We need to find our commonalities, respect our differences, and find our strength together (even those living in stealth are more than welcome to the information and support on this site). We are sometimes all that we have.

Marriage and the Transgendered Person

(In development -- I wish to have this written and discussed by people more successful than I at achieving this.)

When To Tell

How To Tell

She (or He) May React Badly

Resources For Your Partner's Support

Dating And Relating To A Lover Or Potential Partner:

Should I Tell? When and How?

Dating Strangers... Safely

Dating can be dangerous, especially with dating straight men or men who are not yet fully comfortable with their sexuality (and this is not always visible in the beginning; this danger is also not necessarily limited to men). This can be complicated moreso by "Tranny Chasers," who will often either be fetishists of a sort who will view you as not much more than a novelty sex toy, or else questioning men who might just as easily play with you, then turn around and blame you for their guilty feelings... and possibly take it out on you physically or emotionally. First impressions are never enough, as some questioning men may be completely believing their own words when they express their affection for you -- and therefore not betray their hidden prejudices and guilt, because those things are completely submerged during the conversation.

In the leather community, a concept was developed which is perfect for transwomen who are going on blind dates -- especially with men who know they are trans -- although it requires the assistance of a friend who can be trusted completely. It is often called the "silent alarm," and there are several variations... you can settle on what is most comfortable for you.

As preliminaries, for your first meeting, always insist on a public place. A restaurant or a mall coffee shop is ideal. Never agree to meet a stranger in a private place such as a hotel room or home. Make sure that your transportation to and from your first meeting is under your control -- don't rely on your date for a ride home. And don't let someone know your home address until you're comfortable with them first.

A "silent alarm" is a situation in which you tell your trusted friend where you are going, and when you expect to be back; you also give him or her any information that you may have about the person you will be seeing. You arrange with that friend to call them at a prearranged time, no matter what the events of the evening bring. If you don't check in, your friend is to call the local authorities immediately, with any information they have. It's also a good idea to prearrange with this friend to have an "unsafeword" or phrase that you might include in conversation, in the event that you are forced to make the call under duress, and need to indicate that you need help, without arousing suspicion from a person threatening you.

Helpful points:

• If you have your date's phone number, try to arrange to call it first, to verify that it is correct.
• Inform your friend beforehand what your plans for the evening are: time, place, etc. If anything changes, let them know during a check-in call.
• Don't use your date's phone or cell, in order to help avoid the call being traced later, thereby potentially putting your friend in danger.
• The "silent alarm" is most useful as a deterrent. If he knows that you need to check in with a friend, he'll know that if he harms you, this will alert someone else.

This all sounds paranoid, of course, but when it comes to blind dates, people met online and the like, there is virtue to it. You can, of course, modify the procedure to suit your situation, and if you feel that a more relaxed system of simply passing your date's name and number on to your friend and arranging to call them whenever the date is over will suffice, then do that. But any Plan B is better than nothing.

Coping With a "Dual Identity"

For the purposes of discussion here, we are not talking about a "split personality," "multiple personality disorder" or anything near schizophrenia. We are talking about people who have a single identity but feel that that single identity needs to present alternately as male and as female on different occasions. There are also people who are transsexual at heart and fully identify as female, but need to express themselves as male at times, because of life circumstances (their career, their spouse / children, their extended family, their financial limitations, their medical limitations, etc.) -- which in the transgender spectrum is arguably the hardest path of all that one might have to take.

(In development -- I wish to have this written and discussed by people more successful than I at achieving this.)

Going Out: Tips

Make-up Asia Carrera has a good website for tips.

Flatter Your Figure

Body Shaping

Wigs

Feminine Movement

Voice Training

Performing Drag

Additional Resources

Make Your Own Shoes Online: Having trouble finding the right sizes anywhere? There is also a book for sale online that can teach you to make your own -- a perfect fit!